THE INNER WORKINGS OF MY MIND

You ever get the feeling of being utterly exhausted but your mind is running a mile a minute so there's no point in laying down until you get it all out. So here I am at 11 pm typing away just to get things off of my mind...

First, I want to apologize to every single person who has tried to reach out to me with Landen and all I've done is shot them down or seemed ungrateful. It's not that I'm not grateful... I am, I swear but I hate feeling like I need help. I've always been very independent and don't like to lean on ANYONE. So when people offer me help with the girls or with the baby, I'm quick to shoot it down. So here I am... apologizing... "I'm sorry for appearing ungrateful or uninterested or mean or grumpy or cranky". I was EXTREMELY cranky at church today. I'm just exhausted with everything right now. And sometimes you just want to go to church and sit, and relax, and enjoy. That hasn't happened since... well... since before I had kids, basically. And sometimes I'm so frustrated that Landen can be so fussy at times (thus the crankiness at church) that I tend to take it out on everyone else. And then sometimes I think to myself, maybe he's not really THAT fussy. Maybe I'm the fussy one. Maybe I'm the one who needs a pacifier and a little rocking. It's true what they tell you, 3 kids is HARD. Much harder then I expected. I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park, but I didn't know that most days I wouldn't shower before noon. That my poor girls would basically have a free for all every day just as long as they didn't kill each other. That my arms would get so tired from holding my little boy. And that lunch would get later and later every day. Sorry, I'm just venting... and many of you have already heard this coming out of my mouth before.

STUPID... yep, that's Mia's new favorite word. At first I had no idea where this word was coming from. Because honestly, we don't say that word very often. Anyways, so once we heard it coming from our sweet little girl's mouth about 4 times a day, she got in big trouble. She would literally say, "Stupid!... not". Like she was trying to take it back the minute it flew out of her mouth. Now that Kalea and Mia know that this word is unacceptable in our home, when ever we hear the word on TV they look at me and say "That's a bad word." I know what you're thinking... what in the world are you letting your kids watch that says the word Stupid.
Ex: Ratatouille, Aladdin, and Meet the Robinson's.
Sad, huh. It's not like we're watching these crazy movies with swearing and violence. We're watching Disney!! It's very frustrating that the girls are so conscience of this word now. It makes me feel like they're losing a little bit of their innocence.

So we bought a Camcorder like 4 years ago that apparently stopped working. And by stopped working I mean needed to be cleaned. So 4 years later we clean it. We started watching some home videos from FOREVER ago. It was fun to see Kalea as the cutest little 2 year old. She was hilarious to watch. Also, Mia had TONS of hair when she was born and I forgot how beautiful she was as a newborn. But for the biggest shocker, I watched myself at 20 years old on our first (and only) Christmas together without kids. It was so fun to watch and see how cute and different we were. I think sometimes the fun can be sucked out of things when it seems like you're constantly raising children. I know that Christian and I sometimes feel like we aren't the way we used to be. But it definitely opened my eyes to how I was. Some good some bad. I was definitely still as HILARIOUS as I am now. But I was much more carefree. I do miss that about myself. I was definitely just a sassy as I am now. But not nearly as stressed about life. I wonder if I'll ever be able to be that person again. Maybe I'll try and be that person again... or maybe I'll try as soon as Landen starts sleeping through the night. One other thing I noticed was how much Christian adored me in the video. (haha not that he doesn't adore me now). But everything was so new and fresh for us... even just hearing him say "I love you"... You could tell that it was still something so new that came out of our mouths. We were so young and no idea what was ahead of us. When I had the camcorder in hand on Christmas morning Christian had to keep reminding me that these were family videos. Apparently the things I would say weren't exactly PG. What a crazy girl I was!

Ok so now I'm tired and ready to sleep. If I think of more things to write, I will. But until then...

MY FIRST OUTING WITH 3

Here I am trying to get a quick nap in between pushes

Mia and and her sweaty head

Landen is at one with nature

Erin, Lillie, and Alli

Lillie and Kalea

Here are some pictures of my very first venture out with all 3 kids. I had put it off for 4 1/2 weeks and finally had enough courage to try it. It wasn't terrible, but wasn't easy either. I think I've decided that I'll probably only go out with all 3 maybe once or twice a week. It's a HUGE change from just the girls. For those of you don't know, Landen is FUSSY. He seems to get a lot of gas pains which is very hard for him (and me). I've been using the Mylicon drops and Gripe Water. They seem to help him a little bit. So taking him out in public isn't exactly ideal... not to mention he doesn't like the car. What a handful, he is. Anyways, we met my friend Erin at the park after a trip to Target. The girls really liked getting out of the house, since we're always at home now. Landen did alright also... he seemed to enjoy being out doors and didn't fuss too much. I can't think of anything else to write cause simply, I'm really exhausted.

PICTURES OF THE KIDDOS

Kalea kissing on Landen

Mia kissing on Landen

Looking at Kalea

What a stud!

they call me crazy fingers

Why do babies make this face??

they ADORE him

LIVING DAY BY DAY

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. I feel like I literally get 10 minutes to myself here and there. And usually I use that 10 minutes to shower or get house work done. I'm not used to being so entirely devoted to such a small little person again. I guess having children who are older tends to spoil you a little bit.



Update on Landen:

• He's discovered that falling asleep on mommy is much better then trying to do it on his own.


• We've learned that giving him a passy makes him turn really mad and red... but he still takes it sometimes.


• He eats a TON! Sometimes I have to supplement a bottle sometimes to fill this kid up.


• He poops like 120 times a day. And I'm doing way more laundry way more often because of this little poop machine.


• Christian still doesn't like holding little babies... still.


• He never wants me to get any sleep.... ever.


• He's starting to fill out his little face. Definitely developing a double chin... but still has chicken legs.


• He seems to like his Sisters even though they get right in his face and use a severely high pitched voice (to the point where you think dogs might begin to howl) when talking to him. He stops to listen and stare at them... probably thinking "get your curly hair out of my face."

I've gotten some comments from friends that I haven't posted any pictures of Landen much. It's mostly because I'm so busy and distracted that it hasn't crossed my mind as much. I know I need to get on it and do better. To be honest, lately he's either been crying or sleeping so I haven't felt the uncontrollable desire to photograph either of those things. I do have to say that a good friend of the Alo family, Linda Connor, is going to take some pictures of Landen and I so I'm hoping I'll be able to post some of those.

Yesterday I realized it was already 1 o'clock and the girls hadn't had lunch yet. Of course Landen was crying his little head off, all though he had just eaten, burped, and had a clean diaper. So I decided to use the sling my mom made for me and shove the little guy in there. It didn't look very comfortable being all crammed in there, but he got really quiet and eventually fell asleep. So I started making grilled cheese sandwiches (while trying to stand 3 feet back so I wasn't too close with the baby) and Kalea and Mia decided that was a good time to ask for about 13 more things just to test my limits. So I turned to her and said, "I'm not Superman! You need to let me do one thing at a time." That quieted them pretty quickly. So I finished making their sandwiches, cut up an apple, got them something to drink. And about 10 minutes later Kalea comes up to me... confused... and says, "You're not Superman?" Apparently I should have used a symbol that she could actually relate to. Like Dora or Diego.

I'M 25!!

Here I am at 19

Here I am NOW

Do I look 25? Cause I feel 25. Probably because I've surpassed many milestones that I never thought I would have gotten to at this age. 3 kids by 25 was never a plan for me during my teenage years. I didn't even plan on being married til after 25. But it's definitely something that I love and would not trade in for the world. Since Landen was born, I had totally forgotten I even had a birthday coming up. I thought this would be a hard birthday for me since I would be considered in my "mid-20's" but I feel very satisfied at where I am in life so bring it on!

ADJUSTING

So we initially thought that Mia would have a horrible time adjusting to Landen and that Kalea was going to be a breeze with it all. And we got it half way right... Mia has adjusted really well. She's now JUST becoming interested in Landen. But she has really stepped up to being a big girl and a big sister. She doesn't mind when I'm nursing the baby and she has to wait until I can help her with something. Granted, Christian has been home to help out a lot with the girls so it hasn't been solely on me. I've been able to take naps and sleep in a little bit with him home so that has helped out tremendously. It was no surprise that Kalea would be really excited about having a baby in the house. She's always really loved babies. But I have to say that I'm feeling a little claustrophobic with her attached to my hip. However, if Landen is in his swing then she will just watch him sleep... so it's not so much me, but him. A couple of times I've had to tell her that I need just a little bit of space. She also has to be told not to touch the baby so much. Especially if he's trying to sleep. She thinks I'm mean when I tell her to knock it off.... but she needs to know her boundaries with him or I'd find her holding him at the top of the stairs with one hand or something crazy like that. Ok maybe not, but it feels like it sometimes.

Landen has been such an easy baby so far. He definitely tells you when he's mad. He hates to be wet or stinky but really doesn't like getting his diaper changed either. It's a lose lose. He's starting to gain back the weight he lost a birth and has been eating really well for me. He makes the funniest little faces that Christian and I just crack up at. He's absolutely adorable and I can't help but kiss all over his little face. I do have to say that it was a weird adjustment to think that he was MY baby. I would think to myself that I shouldn't kiss on him like I do, but then I realized that I COULD. I just love and adore this little boy already :)

BABY LANDEN

Landen Makoa Simpson is here! He was born on August 18th at 3:42 pm weighing in at 7lbs and 1 oz. He measured 21 inches long. He's healthy and wonderful! We are really excited to welcome him into our family.

After a long weekend of false labor pains and irregular contractions, my OB had me come in early on Monday morning to check me out and see where how my pregnancy was progressing. I had been dilated to 3 cm and 80% effaced. So since things were coming along they decided to break my water and get my into real labor. (I had been in prelabor all weekend!) So I was sooo thankful to them for being willing to put me into labor. I was admitted to the hospital at 10:30 a.m. and they broke my water at 11:30. My contractions were really intense for about an hour where I dilated from a 3 to a 6. My awesome nurse, Elisa, hunted down a anesthesiologist and found one very quickly. He had a hard time with the epidural and it took a little longer then usual, but it was VERY effective once it was in. So we waited around for about 2 1/2 hours until 3:00 where I was finally dilated to a 10. 42 minutes later, Landen was born!

He makes the cutest little grunting noises and sounds like a little squeak toy. He is a mix of Christian and I and has a Hawaiian look with a Simpson twist. He's absolutely beautiful to me! Thanks to all of you for all of the Well Wishes. I have the best most supportive family and friends and love all of you dearly!

Kalea has really stepped up as a big sister and just adores Landen. She's been sad when she has to leave the hospital without Landen is ready to bring him home. She loves to hold him and even told me she could do it by herself. I definitely corrected that statement quickly. Mia on the other hand, hasn't paid too much attention to her little brother. I'm sure all of that may change soon.

What a BIG family!

Excited Daddy!

Mommy, Kalea and Landen

My 3 beautiful children!