THE INNER WORKINGS OF MY MIND

You ever get the feeling of being utterly exhausted but your mind is running a mile a minute so there's no point in laying down until you get it all out. So here I am at 11 pm typing away just to get things off of my mind...

First, I want to apologize to every single person who has tried to reach out to me with Landen and all I've done is shot them down or seemed ungrateful. It's not that I'm not grateful... I am, I swear but I hate feeling like I need help. I've always been very independent and don't like to lean on ANYONE. So when people offer me help with the girls or with the baby, I'm quick to shoot it down. So here I am... apologizing... "I'm sorry for appearing ungrateful or uninterested or mean or grumpy or cranky". I was EXTREMELY cranky at church today. I'm just exhausted with everything right now. And sometimes you just want to go to church and sit, and relax, and enjoy. That hasn't happened since... well... since before I had kids, basically. And sometimes I'm so frustrated that Landen can be so fussy at times (thus the crankiness at church) that I tend to take it out on everyone else. And then sometimes I think to myself, maybe he's not really THAT fussy. Maybe I'm the fussy one. Maybe I'm the one who needs a pacifier and a little rocking. It's true what they tell you, 3 kids is HARD. Much harder then I expected. I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park, but I didn't know that most days I wouldn't shower before noon. That my poor girls would basically have a free for all every day just as long as they didn't kill each other. That my arms would get so tired from holding my little boy. And that lunch would get later and later every day. Sorry, I'm just venting... and many of you have already heard this coming out of my mouth before.

STUPID... yep, that's Mia's new favorite word. At first I had no idea where this word was coming from. Because honestly, we don't say that word very often. Anyways, so once we heard it coming from our sweet little girl's mouth about 4 times a day, she got in big trouble. She would literally say, "Stupid!... not". Like she was trying to take it back the minute it flew out of her mouth. Now that Kalea and Mia know that this word is unacceptable in our home, when ever we hear the word on TV they look at me and say "That's a bad word." I know what you're thinking... what in the world are you letting your kids watch that says the word Stupid.
Ex: Ratatouille, Aladdin, and Meet the Robinson's.
Sad, huh. It's not like we're watching these crazy movies with swearing and violence. We're watching Disney!! It's very frustrating that the girls are so conscience of this word now. It makes me feel like they're losing a little bit of their innocence.

So we bought a Camcorder like 4 years ago that apparently stopped working. And by stopped working I mean needed to be cleaned. So 4 years later we clean it. We started watching some home videos from FOREVER ago. It was fun to see Kalea as the cutest little 2 year old. She was hilarious to watch. Also, Mia had TONS of hair when she was born and I forgot how beautiful she was as a newborn. But for the biggest shocker, I watched myself at 20 years old on our first (and only) Christmas together without kids. It was so fun to watch and see how cute and different we were. I think sometimes the fun can be sucked out of things when it seems like you're constantly raising children. I know that Christian and I sometimes feel like we aren't the way we used to be. But it definitely opened my eyes to how I was. Some good some bad. I was definitely still as HILARIOUS as I am now. But I was much more carefree. I do miss that about myself. I was definitely just a sassy as I am now. But not nearly as stressed about life. I wonder if I'll ever be able to be that person again. Maybe I'll try and be that person again... or maybe I'll try as soon as Landen starts sleeping through the night. One other thing I noticed was how much Christian adored me in the video. (haha not that he doesn't adore me now). But everything was so new and fresh for us... even just hearing him say "I love you"... You could tell that it was still something so new that came out of our mouths. We were so young and no idea what was ahead of us. When I had the camcorder in hand on Christmas morning Christian had to keep reminding me that these were family videos. Apparently the things I would say weren't exactly PG. What a crazy girl I was!

Ok so now I'm tired and ready to sleep. If I think of more things to write, I will. But until then...

MY FIRST OUTING WITH 3

Here I am trying to get a quick nap in between pushes

Mia and and her sweaty head

Landen is at one with nature

Erin, Lillie, and Alli

Lillie and Kalea

Here are some pictures of my very first venture out with all 3 kids. I had put it off for 4 1/2 weeks and finally had enough courage to try it. It wasn't terrible, but wasn't easy either. I think I've decided that I'll probably only go out with all 3 maybe once or twice a week. It's a HUGE change from just the girls. For those of you don't know, Landen is FUSSY. He seems to get a lot of gas pains which is very hard for him (and me). I've been using the Mylicon drops and Gripe Water. They seem to help him a little bit. So taking him out in public isn't exactly ideal... not to mention he doesn't like the car. What a handful, he is. Anyways, we met my friend Erin at the park after a trip to Target. The girls really liked getting out of the house, since we're always at home now. Landen did alright also... he seemed to enjoy being out doors and didn't fuss too much. I can't think of anything else to write cause simply, I'm really exhausted.

PICTURES OF THE KIDDOS

Kalea kissing on Landen

Mia kissing on Landen

Looking at Kalea

What a stud!

they call me crazy fingers

Why do babies make this face??

they ADORE him

LIVING DAY BY DAY

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything. I feel like I literally get 10 minutes to myself here and there. And usually I use that 10 minutes to shower or get house work done. I'm not used to being so entirely devoted to such a small little person again. I guess having children who are older tends to spoil you a little bit.



Update on Landen:

• He's discovered that falling asleep on mommy is much better then trying to do it on his own.


• We've learned that giving him a passy makes him turn really mad and red... but he still takes it sometimes.


• He eats a TON! Sometimes I have to supplement a bottle sometimes to fill this kid up.


• He poops like 120 times a day. And I'm doing way more laundry way more often because of this little poop machine.


• Christian still doesn't like holding little babies... still.


• He never wants me to get any sleep.... ever.


• He's starting to fill out his little face. Definitely developing a double chin... but still has chicken legs.


• He seems to like his Sisters even though they get right in his face and use a severely high pitched voice (to the point where you think dogs might begin to howl) when talking to him. He stops to listen and stare at them... probably thinking "get your curly hair out of my face."

I've gotten some comments from friends that I haven't posted any pictures of Landen much. It's mostly because I'm so busy and distracted that it hasn't crossed my mind as much. I know I need to get on it and do better. To be honest, lately he's either been crying or sleeping so I haven't felt the uncontrollable desire to photograph either of those things. I do have to say that a good friend of the Alo family, Linda Connor, is going to take some pictures of Landen and I so I'm hoping I'll be able to post some of those.

Yesterday I realized it was already 1 o'clock and the girls hadn't had lunch yet. Of course Landen was crying his little head off, all though he had just eaten, burped, and had a clean diaper. So I decided to use the sling my mom made for me and shove the little guy in there. It didn't look very comfortable being all crammed in there, but he got really quiet and eventually fell asleep. So I started making grilled cheese sandwiches (while trying to stand 3 feet back so I wasn't too close with the baby) and Kalea and Mia decided that was a good time to ask for about 13 more things just to test my limits. So I turned to her and said, "I'm not Superman! You need to let me do one thing at a time." That quieted them pretty quickly. So I finished making their sandwiches, cut up an apple, got them something to drink. And about 10 minutes later Kalea comes up to me... confused... and says, "You're not Superman?" Apparently I should have used a symbol that she could actually relate to. Like Dora or Diego.